Sunday, November 29, 2009

The Thanksgiving Weekend...Hmm Thanksgiving was coo. Didn't play taboo..WACK..but I did have some interesting conversation with about 5 of my female cousins, you know we ended up talking about BOYS/MEN, and all the riffraff in between. Lol...

We talked about how difficult it is to find, maintain, and keep a relationship with a guy who is serious and ready to be a man. One of the things we discussed and was irritated with was the guy to girl ratio. We came to the conclusion that:

There are so many more women than men that these guys coming up nowadays don’t know how to treat a woman because they have it TOO EASY. There are so many desperate girls who do any and everything to get a guy; resulting in boys/men becoming SELFISH, SELF-ABSORBED, FICKLE CREATURES. They no longer feel the need to try and win over a girl or to show interest rather than just saying “I think you’re real coo,” or “I like hanging out with you,” and this nonsense, “We should hangout more.”

NO!! These are all EMPTY statements. This tells a girl NOTHING about your intentions. Now remember I’m not talking about casual dating because the purpose of dating someone and growing strong feelings for, is to see if they are a possible life mate (someone you see yourself having a substantial future with, i.e. –MARRIAGE!!)

I think I’m getting to the point where I’m just WHATEVER about guys and relationships right now. It’s too draining; especially when you’re in an “uneven” situation (you put more effort and enthusiasm into the relationship than the other person). That’s where I’m at now with my EX and its getting old. I love him to death and I really don’t see myself with anyone else but he has a lot to work on within himself that I don’t think he realizes.

I feel like he’s emotionally unavailable. There’s only so much he’s willing to give (emotionally) and show me and I feel like its just sabotaging our relationship. Right now we are in the process of figuring out if we can create the same feelings we have when we are face to face, over the distance so we can stop all the awkward tension and arguments when we aren’t together and just be happy. As I’ve said before, when we are together, everything is pretty close to perfect, but when we are away its like he becomes a different person (I’m sure he feels the same about me). I don’t get it.

To me the problem is that he’s always gotten what he wants, he has never had to ask for attention or be shown love, or not have someone love you back as much as you love them. He has it easy because, he is very nice looking. Girls flock to him so it’s no big deal to him. And that’s how I feel sometimes, LIKE I’M NO BIG DEAL…that’s ALIEN TERRITORY to me. I don’t feel important enough. I don’t feel like he is really into me or that he sees a future with me. I know he says it, but I need him to show it. I need to physically see that he wants me. I have to know for sure that he’s all about me and that he’ll do whatever it takes to make me happy and satisfied. These are all things I do and constantly try to make him understand.

Matters of the heart are so difficult. I hate it. I just wish things would go the way I see them in movies, or the way I dream them up in my head. You know, the happily ever-after, the romantic and passionate relationships. That’s what I want. I want to feel butterflies again. I want to smile when he calls, or when I see his name pop up on my phone. I just want to be happy with him again. I wish we could just start over and do it right. I miss him and the way we use to be (fun, open, honest, sincere). I just pray
God’s plan matches mine…

So I did a bit of Google searching and found this!!

Approximately 50.34% are men & 49.66% are women.

As of July 2007, the United States Central Intelligence Agency estimated the world's population to be 6,602,224,175 with there being 3,278,616,036 (49.66%) females & 3,323,608,139 (50.34%) males.


This is crazy…Here’s my theory: there are more men but the number of QUALITY MEN is VERY LOW. This makes it difficult for quality women because there are a large number of women going after or seeking out the few quality men, making the ratio seem much more skewed. What do you think?

Tuesday, November 24, 2009

For All You BOOTLEG Bloggers!!

Welcome...I've been slacking I know...but look, I'm here now so lets get to what's on my mind right now. So I had a terrible shift today...the most RUDE, PICKY, LOUD, and CHEAP customers today, its like they were all directed to my section in the bar and there was nothing I could do about it...ANYWAY. That has me in a bit of a critical mood right now so bear with me.

Lately I've been a little annoyed with this blogging experience. I started this blog about a month ago and what I expected to happen was: I would write about stuff that was important to me or that, at least, was worth writing about and those who found it thought provoking or interesting would leave their perspectives, opinions, experiences, etc. HOWEVER, I've come to the conclusion that people are only worried about how many followers they get and not being an active blogger.

I know for me, I only follow blogs because they make me think or are interesting enough to make me want to comment and support them. For all of you who only follow in order to gain more followers, please, DON'T waste your time or mine. I'd rather have 2 followers that comment and get involved with the blogging experience than a bunch of random followers who don't participate at all. If you're one of the latter, FEEL FREE to STOP following me!!

I didn't want to go hard on some of you but I felt this needed to be said. I wonder if I'm the only one who feels this way...

ON A LIGHTER NOTE!! I can't wait for thanksgiving. I'm not going to eat myself sick but I am just ready to see my family, eat, play taboo, and just crack jokes on one another, just a bunch of family, friends, food and fun...the 4 F's...nothing greater. OOOoooo plus I MAY get to see that special someone so you know I'm excited about that! Lol...I'll let yall know how that goes, I still need to update you all on the status of that situation too..Anyway, I love you for reading! Till next time... XOXO

Saturday, November 21, 2009

Nights Like These...Lyrical Foreplay

So, its nights like these when I wish I was somewhere else...somewhere secluded with someone special. I'm sittin up here listening to Trey Songz (Upstairs, Scratchin Me Up, You Belong To Me, Neighbors Know My Name), Chris Brown (Glow In The Dark), Pleasure P (Under), and R.Kelly (Number One).....enough said. Now that you know what kind of mood I'm in you get the picture. There's nothing I can do about it so before I go to sleep, here's some:


Nights like these I wait for you in my dreams

That’s the only place I can be free with you
The only place that can sustain the endless possibilities I want with you
Words don’t do my imagination justice

The things I want can only be demonstrated
Nothing contrived, love like mine is one of a kind
No need to be on cloud nine
They can’t support the weight of this desire
The constant yearning that’s only satisfied by you

I covet the sensation of your touch
Tasting you, smelling you, feeling you
Overtake my senses like only you can
Study my ins and outs; my body’s your playground
No time constraints, no rules
Just raw untainted passion

This love has no beginning or end
Just the balmy pulsating feeling of emptiness
Waiting for you to fill me up
I can feel your breath on my neck
The pressure from your body on my back

I pant heavily as the anticipation builds
I know its coming but you make me wait
Your hands take control finding spots I never knew existed
Grabbing me, you whisper “Are you ready?”
The arch in my back screams the answer

Our bodies steaming I pull you closer hoping you’ll let it go
Your excitement only makes my body clinch tighter

Massaging every inch of you
I pray this feeling never goes away
Inside me is where I need you to stay

Holding on till that moment comes
My heart beats faster and my legs start to shake
I can feel you getting deeper…the motion getting faster
…I open my mouth to scream but my eyes open instead
My pillow torn to shreds, I realize it was all in my head…

Monday, November 16, 2009


Ugh...ok. Today has been ONE OF THOSE DAYS!! Besides finding out that one of my family members, (the father of my 2aunts and 2uncles), passed away/was murdered, and that I didn't get to see the one person I've been dying to see for weeks now yesterday, I had a strange dream that I CAN'T remember but I know it was strange because I woke up scared, my heart was pounding, and my hands were balled up into an extremely tight fist. Now, I normally only dream once every two weeks and I remember EVERYTHING but this was weird, I've never felt that way before.

On top of that, a person from my past decides to hit me with this:

"I know this is random, but I just wanted to tell you that I think you're gonna be my wife one day...I know we rarely talk or even hang out for that matter but I just get a strong feeling that you are what I want in a woman. And frankly I think that us not being in each other's presence has been somewhat of a blessing in disguise. You are very attractive to me, you always have been, and knowing that you're a spiritual woman makes me even more intrigued by you...I'm sorry that I hit you out the blue with this...and maybe it means nothing...but I just felt the need to share that with you...I hope you're having a great weekend and I hope that all has been well..."
My response..WTF?!? Are you kidding me? Oh now you feel this way? Now you want to share your feelings and get deep and talk about serious commitments??? WTF??? Why do guys do this??? What am I suppose to do with that? This ish is all too familiar, I've had EX after EX breakup with me and then come to some EPIPHANY weeks, months, or in this case YEARS later and tell me that they are sorry for not treating me right, how they realize what they had, how they want to start over, how they really do love me and are ready to make things work. F THAT!! I'm tired...I'm done loving people and caring for people who can only seem to appreciate me once I'm gone. I've had enough. NO THANK YOU!!

This was posted today on one of the few blogs I follow by WithLoveStarz, it's perfect to how I'm feeling right now.

I couldn't have said it better...I'm so irritated by people/guys who can't recognize a great woman when she's staring them in the face. It doesn't make any sense to me. It seems as though every guy I deal with is lost, unsure, scared, or too selfish to understand what love is and how to deal in a serious relationship with a woman who knows exactly what she wants and deserves. It's only until they lose that person or come close to it that they understand what it means to love and if the grass truly is greener on the other side. Truth is, there aren't that many fish in the sea...let me fix that, there are PLENTY of DESPERATE WHORES out there but there are very few women who know how to love, have an education, can hold interesting conversation, have a real relationship with God, brought up well-rounded with a good head on her shoulders and on top of all that, isn't too bad to look at!

I had to get some insight from one of my guy friends about all this and about someone I'm trying to develop a serious relationship with now and how I feel as though I'm not a priority and how I want him to show that he cares for me even when we aren't face to face. He had this to say:
"You are priority. I just feel he's not very emotional so if he's bothered he shuts down. He won't talk, short and his way of showing frustration is distancing himself. It's a defense mechanism. I could be wrong about him but he does care about you as much as you do but doesn't know many ways of showing it. He doesn't want to look weak. That's the worst sign a man could show. If he does he feels he lost his manhood. He's afraid of getting emotionally attached to you to where he won't know what he'll do without you. He's scared, that's all that is." -Richie W.
Sobering words for the situation I'm currently in but its crap like this that makes me become jaded on love and relationships. It frustrates me to think that guys sabotage relationships because of their pride and fear of being in love alone. Now I know there are some females out there like that but in my experience this behavior seems to keep repeating itself. I'm just tired, tired of trying. Tired of being the only one willing to be inconvenienced for love... Tired of being so giving and not receiving, tired of compromising, I'm tired of mediocrity. I'm ready for love. Love that knows no limits, love that has no excuses, love that isn't afraid to fall, and a love that is shown and not just spoken...

Is all this really too much to ask? Am I being overly sensitive or emotional? I think not. I'm only asking for what I would willingly do myself. That message really struck a nerve in me and made me realize how many times this has happened. It made me angry and bitter, these are feelings I thought I had dealt with. Now all I can do is ask God to take those remnant feelings away and heal those wounds so I can love a with no fear, so that I do not become that which I despise. Someone once said death is easy, that's why life is hard, well to me lust is easy and love is hard...I'd like to think I'm strong enough to take on the latter.

P.S. - Currently listening to "Crawl"- Chris Brown (so appropriate for this entry)

Friday, November 13, 2009

A Good Woman...Can I Get an AMEN!?!

One of my friends sent me this today...I love it, so you know I had to share it!

...Can I Get an AMEN!?!...

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

Woman Behind the Words...

Hey hey hey...It's a new day, so make the best of it. I'm trying my hand at a Vlog, so here goes nothing. Enjoy!

Monday, November 9, 2009


Hello loves...So lately I've been dealing with trusting people and really questioning the character of the people I have come in contact with over the past few years; from relationships, friendships, and even casual acquaintances, I have found that INTEGRITY is a characteristic many people are lacking these days.

Quick refreshing of what Integrity means:

  1. Moral soundness; honesty; freedom from corrupting influence or motive; -- used especially with reference to the fulfillment of contracts, the discharge of agencies, trusts, and the like; uprightness; rectitude.
  2. Unimpaired, unadulterated, or genuine state; entire correspondence with an original condition; purity.
Ok, so now that we all have an idea as to what integrity entails, lets talk about it.

The problem that I have with people nowadays is that being genuine and honest is a thing of the past. J.C. Watts talks about integrity in relation to character in this way:
Character [integrity] is doing the right thing when nobody's looking. There are too many people who think that the only thing that's right is to get by, and the only thing that's wrong is to get caught.
Lately I've come in contact with way too many people who think that they can "get by;" so my mission for the past 6 months or so has been to prune out all he people who lack the vital integrity virtue. So far I have pruned out 4 people within the past 2 years. They're names will go unmentioned for now but best believe they know who they are..Lol.

I usually keep people at a distance because I don't trust them. I know that's sad but I'm a very giving and emotional person (though I put on this "I AM WOMAN HEAR ME ROAR" attitude). I can't help but to care for people, its just who I am, but I've learned through experience that not everyone wants the best for me or wishes me well. There are some people who only wish to get close to me for what they can get from me or what they can gain from being associated with me..I'm SO done with people like that.

When it comes to romantic relationships, I have come to the conclusion that if I can find a man with integrity, all my trust issues would be NON-EXISTANT!! The only problem is that, one can't find out if his/her mate has integrity until it has been compromised. Integrity is between God and that person. A person can claim till they are blue in the face that they have integrity but there is no real way for the other party to measure it. If we really want to get deep, true integrity can only be reached through a relationship with Christ because your actions are not longer predicated upon others but you strive to be righteous because you wish to be like Christ and to follow his example.

I think Shakespeare would agree because he understood that one must, "To thine own self be true, and it must follow, as the night the day, thou canst not then be false to any man." Honesty and integrity are close cousins and you can't have one without the other. I wonder why it is so hard for some people to be real? What is so difficult with being someone who keeps their word? Or like the picture above, allows their behaviors and values coincide in a way that exudes integrity in every aspect of their life? Now I'm not claiming to have this whole integrity thing down because everyday I have to check myself and my character to make sure I am practicing what I'm preaching.

I guess as I get older, I begin to really think what is it that I really want out of life and the people I allow in mine. Looks are great and whatnot, but I'd take a less attractive man with all the integrity in the world over a gorgeous man who I can only trust as far as I can throw him...Having friends and people to hangout with is great but I'd rather be alone than be friends with a bunch of fake and shady people.

I like what Thomas Macaulay says on the subject: "The measure of a man's real character is what he would do if he knew he never would be found out." If your true character was exposed, would there be some things that you'd be ashamed of or have to apologize for, maybe explain to someone you may lose if they found out? In what ways could your level of integrity benefit from an "energy boost"?? Think about it...

As I've said before, I'm looking to become the best Tiffanie I can be...these subjects aren't easy but I have to deal with them and really dig into myself to purge myself of all the things I hate to see in others. They say you attract what you are so hopefully if I get right, I'll find the same...I love you for reading. Let me know how you feel, give me your two cents Lol...till next time. ;-)

Friday, November 6, 2009

My First Cruise: Carnival Elation!!

Welcome back! As you can see I have been gone for a while, BUT WITH GOOD REASON!! Lol...I was on a family vaction for my parents 25th year anniversary. We took a 4 day cruise to Catalina Island, and Ensenada, Mexico. I was dying because I could not use my phone for almost a whole week!! But after the first couple days it was refreshing  to be free of technology (besides my digital cam) lol...While were there, we met some real cool people from Arizona. If we hadn't of linked up with them, my brother and I would have been BORED OUT OF OUR MINDS on the ship! So a quick "shout out" to Kwen, Quin, Chris, and Keldrick!!

Our first stop was Catalina and it was definately a pretty place but stupid expensive. Because the water was so shallow on the coastline, we had to take little boats from our ship to the island!! I was SCARED TO DEATH! This little boat was "rockin' that thang like, OOOOooooooo" but seriously, I was so afraid that the boat was going to just tip over and kill us all, but we made it safe and I got some GREAT pictures from it.

 When we got on the island we took little golf carts around the city and this is where one of the highlights of the trip happened!! So my brilliant brother thought it would be a great idea to jump out of the MOVING golf cart going DOWN HILL at about 15-20 MPH!! My brother is about 6'5, with long, lanky, he jumps out in an attempt to RUN ALONG the side of the cart and lets just say, it wasn't a happy landing!! Lol...I turn my head to see what happen and all I see is his legs flying in the air and tumbling to the ground. Thankfully, he wasn't seriously hurt, but it gave us a good laugh for the rest of the day.

We took a lot of pictures, way too many for me to post up on here so I'm just giving you all a few samples lol...But we had a great time in Catalina and I would definately go back just for a day because I found out that they do small day trips to Catalina from San Diego on a regular so I may have to take advantage of that sometime soon. Here's a pic of me and the fam right after we got off that little rinky-dink boat.
After another night of GREAT food and some semi-fun "clubbing" we headed to Ensenada!! I was excited that I would get to do some souvenir shopping but I was NOT ready for the nonsense that is the MEXICAN HUSTLE!!! As SOON as we stepped off the boat, they attacked us like vultures!! All the men kept calling me Beyonce and calling my dad and brother my body guards...I was so done. Lol...I got some cute stuff for me and my special buddies though. There was the most ri-DICK-ulous pharmacy stores that had the most bold and awkward signs. Case in point: Yes ladies and gents, that is a large super-viagra-man! Lol...I was rollin' when I saw this. I just thought it was a bit strange that hey had the American flag in the background of the pic like its some sort of American dream to have a know.

Another cute but strange thing they had were these large ramdom monkey statues on some of the corner streets. You know I had to take at least two pics with them! Lol I call this one Carlos. He's pretty fly as you can see. The other sexy beast I call Vivacious-Vi! There's a bit of resemblance in the body shapes don't you think? Lol jk...

I got this fake tattoo and it makes me want to get a real one sooooo bad but I'm SO afraid of the pain. I think I just might have to suck it up and just do it because I've been wanting one for quite some time now...but ANYWAY here's what my bootleg tattoo looked like.

So after our trip to Mexico, we headed back to San Diego. I was soooo ready to get off the boat by then and ready to turn my phone back on!! It went crazy when I turned it back on, I felt special for a minute. Lol...but overall, I had a great time. I'll definately be taking another cruise next year so who wanna go??? The more people (young people aka: 21-30) the better! LoL...But its such a couple thing/big group thing, I'm excited to do both soon
 ;-) ....

Thanks Mom&Dad for an awesome trip!! I love you guys. I'm back in the loop so lets get back at it...I'll leave you all wit my special towel doggie courtesy of our cabin stewart. Hasta Luego!!

Sunday, November 1, 2009

Come A Little Closer...

Happy Costume Day everyone!! Lol...I hope everyone had a wonderful time. I'm listening to Sam Sparro's "Black and Gold" I'm soooooo hooked on it. Anyway, while going through one of the few blogs I follow. I was given a "blog award" by one of my followers. She's got a way with words and I recommend following her. She's a blogger with substance: Eclectic (Wire)

While I was there, I read a random questionaire of his and it was quite interesting soooo...I decided to do one of my own!! Lol....Enjoy and Goodnight!!

Do you have any pets?
Not anymore, we had do give her away... (*tear*)
What color shirt are you wearing?
A white wife-beater (that a horrible name for a shirt btw...)
Name three things that are physically close to you:
My iPhone, Laptop, Fan...
What is the last book you read?
Jakie Kendall "A Man Worth Waiting For" ...GREAT BOOK
Are you or were you a good student?
Pshh...I once got a B+ and cried because my grades were going "down"
What's your favorite sport?
Basketball...LAKERS BABY!!
Do you enjoy sleeping late?
I enjoy sleeping period!
What's the weather like right now?
Clear sky, about 72 degrees....Cali, gotta love it.
Who tells the best jokes?
What was the last thing you dreamed about?
I rather not say...
Do you drive? If so, have you ever crashed?
Yes and No...i'm a fast but safe driver =)
Do you believe in karma?
Heck yeah!
Do you believe in luck?
Do you like your eggs scrambled or sunny side up?
Scrambled with cheese please!!
Do you collect anything? If so, what?
I have an obsession with small things...
Are you proud of yourself?
For the most part yeah...
Are you reliable?
Is the sky blue?? Is the grass green??? Do birds fly????
Have you ever given money to a bum?
I carry "homeless packages" in the trunk of my car so I can give them something whenever I see, yes.
What's your favorite food?
Have you ever had a secret admirer?
Many i'm sure...but I like the up-front and confident types.
Do you like the smell of gasoline?
Depends on which gas station...Lol
Do like to draw?
What's your favorite invention?
Is your room messy?
Heck no...I'm what some might call a neat-freak
What do you like better: oranges or apples?
Do you give in easily?
Heck No...perseverance is so sexy.
Are you a good guesser?
I guess so...
Can you read other people's expressions?
Like a book...
Are you a bully?
Only when I need to be...
Do you have a job?
What time did you wake up this morning?
7:30am...thanks to my silly parents =P
What did you eat for breakfast this morning?
I'm not a breakfast kinda girl...
When was the last time you showered?
about 20mins ago..."My booty taste like can-daayyyy" Lol
What do you plan on doing tomorrow?
Well since its my mom's bday tomorrow I'll be doing anything she decides to do on her special day and packing for the cruise I'm going on monday-thursday.
What's your favorite day of the week and why?
I have two: 1. Sunday (gotta get my praise on) 2. Friday (the begining of the weekend)
Do you have any nicknames?
Dee-Dee, Lumbajack, Teeci, Amazon Woman...the list goes on. Lol
Have you ever been scuba diving?
No, but that'd be interesting.
What's your least favorite color?
Neon Yellow
Is there someone you have been constantly thinking about? If yes, who?
Don't worry about it...
Would you ever go skydiving?
HHHHEEEELLLLLL NOOOOOOO (only if I was guaranteed a safe landing)
What toothpaste do you use?
Arm&Hammer: Baking Soda and Peroxide!! Gotta have the pearly whites!
Do you enjoy challenges?
I live for them...
What's the worst injury you have had?
Ripped off toe nail....(ouch)
What's the last movie you saw?
Law Abiding Citizen...GREAT MOVIE
What do you want to know about the future?
Who my husband will be...
What does your last text message say?
"Oh wow, I just woke up confused" --Anonymous
Who was the last person you spoke over the phone to?
Anonymous ...
What's your favorite school subject?
English (my major DUHHHH)
What's your least favorite school subject?
MATH...I'm way past remedial
Would you rather have money or love?
Love...that's harder to find.
What is your dream vacation?
Trapped somewhere in paradise with my lover.
What is your favorite animal?
Anything small, that way, when it decides to attack I can defend myself..Lol
Do you miss anyone right now?
Any ONE? as in singular? Lol... (Anonymous)
What's the last sporting event you watched?
A bootleg Charger game...
Do you need to do laundry?
Yeah, I'ma do it tomorrow though..
Do you listen to the radio?
Nope...all nonsense on that crap. It's all about talk radio.
Where were you when 9/11 happened?
In high school...AP Government Class (Ironic right?)
What do you do when vending machines steal your money?
Beat it like it stole somethin'...
Have you ever caught a butterfly?
Naw, me and bugs don't mix.
What color are your bed sheets?
Chocolate, Cream, Baby Blue
What's your ringtone?
The default is India Arie's "There's Hope" ...special people get there own personal ringtones =)
Who was the last person to make you laugh?
A customer...
Do you have any obsessions right now?
Finding true love...and small stuff.
Do you like things that glow in the dark?
Umm..not when I'm sleeping..the darker the better.
What's your favorite fruity scent?
Do you watch cartoons?
They don't make them like they use to anymore...(Rugrats, Doug, Hey Arnold, PepperAnn)
Have you ever sat on a roof?
NO but I SOOOOO want to!
Have you ever been to a different country?
Other than Mexico...Lol nope not yet...soon though.
Name three things in the world you dislike:
Dishonesty, Selfishness, Feet...
Name three people in the world you dislike:
They aren't even worth mentioning...
Has a rumor even been spread about you?
Many I'm sure...the main one: my hair is fake...HA!! so sad.
Do you like sushi?
No I don't like it, I LOVE IT!! (Hanah Sushi / RA Sushi are my favs)
Do you believe in magic?
I stay way from the witchcraft nonsense...
Do you hold grudges?
Like a starving child holds a bag of tender steaks...but I’m working on it with God’s help
Take this survey or other MySpace Surveys at