Saturday, January 30, 2010


Hello all..welcome new followers..don't be strangers! today was interesting. After a long day of serving people...and opening a savings account at a credit union...I had to deal with some drama that got started all because niggas don't know how to keep their mouths SHUT!!! So I came across this cartoon and it needs to be shared because I feel like I'm in a similar situation but with opposite results:

You know with Valentine's Day coming up, I'm sure many guys will be finding ways to start conflict with their significant other so that they don't have to spend a lot a, or do much for their partner...don't act like you didn't know people do that...but anyway. When conflict arises in your relationship, most people's reaction is to leave, or create distance. NEWS FLASH: THIS ONLY MAKES THE PROBLEM WORSE!

It doesn't create more closeness or make the other person want you more, or make the issues go away; it just creates a wall and builds up animosity in the relationship. When a problem or conflict arises, its best to stop being defensive, set your ego to the side, and try to work whatever it is out. THAT'S IF THE PERSON IS WORTH IT!!

Today so many people only want the easy road to everything, including relationships, but the real is, CONFLICT helps you grow in ANY relationship, its the ones who know how to handle it properly that end up lasting "Long-Term"...That's what I'm striving for. I want to be able to handle conflict without it handling me...

I want someone who understands and wants that as well...

Now go run and tell that... THAT IS ALL!!

Monday, January 25, 2010


Hey hey hey!! You miss me? I've missed yall that's for sure. Lets just get right to it!

I took a VERY SPONTANEOUS trip to VEGAS with my BFF Kristine "Chicken" Thompson, friend Anastasia, cousin Zarinah and her friend...umm I forget her name. Lol.. ANYWHO, we talked about going but never made acutal plans so we just left it alone. But saturday morning, Kristine and I wake up and decide...LETS DO IT!! So we reserve a room at the Circus Circus for only $116.56 (split between 5 do that math!) greatness..then we get the "hook up" from her sister who works for Enterprise Rental Car (shout out to them!!) and we got a black on black jeep liberty, which was nice to drive but it can't whip like my lil black civic! lol hahhaha..

So we leave around 3, swoop up my cousin and her friend in San Bernardino by 3:30 and got to Vegas by 7:30...yeah I was speeding...SO!!! =P We stayed for 3days and 2nights...just enough. We were so excited to be there and were so ready to just let loose and have a good time. There are so many pics from the trip but I'll post a few.

So this is the first night. We didn't pay to get into ANY clubs and decided to hit up ALL the clubs in the Palms on Saturday.

From left to right: Me, Anastasia, Kristine, Zarinah. It was so crowded in the first club we went to that we just danced with each other till some LAMES tried to get all up in our know I had to shut that mess down...EXCUSE YOU!! Lol...
We were getttin' it on the dance floor I must say, but if only I had my boo-thang with me! Lol...I had the freak em' dress on and EVERYTHING!!

The night was so great I can't express how much fun we had. We didn't need a bunch of dudes to make us happy, even though there were a bunch of thirsty ones trying their hardest ALL NIGHT! It was fun just being silly and dancing around. The next day we went to a few shops, watched the Charger/Jet game and then to Fat Tuesdays!!! Great place to go and get a good drink that will last most of the day and have you feeling like this:

What we were laughing about...I couldn't even tell you because I simply DON'T REMEMBER!! hahaha.. That same night we went to this club called Vanity which should be called RACISM! Because they were definitely NOT trying to let us beautiful black women in their club, or any black person for that matter. We had to bum along with this white guy and two white girls just to get in and not stand in the GUEST LIST LINE for an hour...SMH...

Yeah I'm the amazon woman in the middle...SO!! Lol..but we had an awesome time and will definitely be making more spontaneous trips to a town near YOU! lol...ok maybe not, but hey you never know. Our next trip will be a cruise so WHO WANNA GO!?!

Moral of the trip: Don't let life get you stuck in the details of things, live your life as God gives it to you. Live in the moment of NOW! Don't wait till everything falls into place to make a decision. Step out and make life happen and work for you. I'm always cautious about the decisions I make but this year I'm embrassing the spirit of SPONTANEITY. You should do the only have one life to life. Live it to the fullest!

Wednesday, January 13, 2010

Happier Days To Come...

Well yesterday was alot for me you could probably tell. But um...I'm not going to appologize because that's what my blog is vent and express myself freely without worrying about being boxed in by others expectations. So after doing a lot of thinking, I've started making moves toward my 2010 plan to be great. I filled out my FAFSA so law school here I come...please welcome me with open arms!! Lol The music thing will always be an ongoing process, gotta build some fans...How about you!!! Lol I'd appreciate it... But anywho I'll be posting some of my music up soon stay posted. Also, if you write, play, produce, record music and want to take care of some business...DON'T HESITATE TO HIT ME!!

In other vains...I had a very interesting convo with "HIM," at first we just started talking about problems like we normally do and just get frustrated with one another, then He paused, realizing that this stuff wasn't getting us anywhere and we decided to just put all the bs aside and just start new. To let go of the past and take everything that ever happened, that was negative, and just push it out the window with 2009. Now I know some of you may be thinking: "wait, after all that stuff you wrote yesterday he gets back in good graces like that?" The answer is, Yes, HELL YES!! It's like this poster I saw Withlove__Starz post earlier today:

You see, I love him. He's my heart. There's no one else I want. Even when he pisses me off I still wish he was here with me. When I feel like I can't stand him and that I just want to give up, my heart screams at me and tells me to please try once more. It's been about 3 years and my feelings just keep growing. I can't put my finger on exactly what it is that makes me so into him and boo all the other lames that come at me. That's my baby, my boo-thang, my sweetie, my CARE BEAR! Conflict can be healthy but we're both ready to just put that aside and get back to the peace in our relationship. I know that getting closer to God will only help this so I know that I need to hold myself more accountable for the things I do.

I'm so ready to start fresh. I want to be happy with him. There are so many other guys that try but just don't measure up. I'm excited and look forward to happier days with my saying that. I know nothing is perfect all the time but when I'm with him nothing else matters. This song says it best...listen to it and GOODNIGHT! As always...I love you for reading and double time for commenting!!

Monday, January 11, 2010

::WARNING:: Extreme Emotion...

I've been avoiding this all day but here goes nothing... 

::WARNING:: this is just going to come out as I think it and type it. So there may be a lot of grammer hypocrisy getting ready to take place. YOU'VE BEEN WARNED!!!

There is so much on my mind I don't know where to start...

Where the heck am I going to go in May? (I've gotta be out my parents house by then and I'm in no position to do that yet) Ugh...I hate that they moved to! what is this place??? I feel like I'm rotting as I type this. There is NOTHING HERE!! NO JOBS! NO FRIENDS!! NO SOCIAL LIFE!!! I'm just existing here...passing the days away waiting and waiting for an opportunity to spark, for God to open a door, shoot I'll craw through a window if he cracks one! I know I haven't been as close to God as I should be or have been but lately I just feel like the more I try, the more things fall apart. The more I reach out, the further things seem out of reach. I am tired. I feel life and my plan for my life has rejected me.

WHY THE F*CK DO I WASTE MY TIME?! (I sit around giving excuses for ppl who clearly are too selfish and selfcentered to care about anyone else but themselves. I'm tired of talking and explaining till I'm blue in the face---and I'm coco-mel so that's A LOT OF F-ING TALKING!!---about what will make things better and what needs to happen in order for things to be "comfortable" or "happy" then NOTHING CHANGES..I'm to the point where I have to ask myself a serious question: "why?" Why stay with someone who shows little to no regard as to how you're doing or feeling? Why keep dealing with someone who seems to have the attitude "out of sight, out of mind"???? Why keep fighting for something that will never work under the current circumstances?? Why keep doubting your intuition??? If it doesn't make sense...its PROBABLY a LIE TIFFANIE!!! Wake the hell up and smell the BULLSHHHhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!TTTT. Who just doesn't call the person they say they care about? Who just blows off things cus they don't care enough about your feelings or enough about the relationship to make an effort?!?! Who says "I do care about you and have the same feelings as you do" but doesn't tell you how they feel about you, doesn't want to have meaningful conversation anymore, doesn't pay you a compliment, doesn't talk about future plans that involve you?!? Never takes FIVE F*CKING MINUTES OUT THEIR OHHHHH SOOO BUSY LIFE TO CALL AND SAY HELLO!!? maybe even a GOODMORNING/GOODNIGHT?!?! (I feel like crying but for what? that's not gonna change anything) What is it that makes me love so hard when I get so little in return....It can't just be the body or the looks cus that's nothing new for me. I just don't understand why I love so much, what can't seem to love me back. *Crying*

- I'm going to give law school another shot, but that means more student loans (cus the gov only gives money to the dirt poor!!!) Then I'd have to move back to stupid San Diego (I wanna be in LA!!!!) Then I'd have to figure out where I would live, and what job I could do while being a full time student. I know I have to think of where I see myself in 5-10 years and not just a year from now. Lord willing I want to have a family and a home and kids that I can support with no problems, you know give them a comfortable life. And God knows that's not gonna happen BARTENDING!!!! I need a life make over right now. I need a reset button. I can feel the heart turing into stone. I can feel the bricks being built back up protecting me from this hell of a life I lead. I know everyone sees me as this happy and positive female thats got it all together but LITTLE DO YOU KNOW!!!! I'm not in control of ANYTHING in my life right now and I hate it.

- 2010 is suppose to be my breakout year. The year I decided to stop putting up with all the minutia my mind thinks up and stop doubting myself and my abilities. I'm suppose to rid my life and emotions of people and circumstances that only hold me back and aren't helping the move toward success, love and happiness. I'm ready to do that. I went to the Santa Monica Peir last night to just clear my head and get away from the things and people that just drain me. I wasn't expecting much--which is probably why I had such a good time.

1. There was this group of dancers and breakers who were putting on a show. They said they had been doing this for 10 years and they were REALLY good. It was more than just some dancing, they had like a script that they do that was clearly memorized and rehearsed. I gave them $10 cus they were so entertaining and they made me laugh which was something I really needed at that time. Plus they pulled me out of the audience as a volunteer! They were great and I wish them the best of luck...

2. I was starving so In-n-Out was the greatest choice for me..had some bomb animal fries!!! Anyway, on the way there these guys stopped me to tell me about a comedy show that was gonna start in 10min and that it was free and open to the public and to come by after I finished from eating..and that's exactly what I did...very random and spontaneous...I needed it. I'm so happy I caught it in time because I was able to laugh some more. Though in reality I had nothing to laugh about, being able to just forget everything for a hour was great. There were 6 comedians and only 3 of them were super funny but I took a couple pics of 2 out of the 3 that were super funny...

3. After the show, I had to see what all the fuss was about this Cookie and Ice Cream spot called Diddy Riese. At one point the line wrapped around the building and I waiting till it died down cus the DEVIL IS A FOOL ...never would I ever stand in line for hours just to get fat off some cookies!! Anyway, I got 3WhiteChocolate Chip and 3Chocolate Chip cookies and they were pretty good, not sure if they are worth standing in a super long line for but they were tasty I must admit! Lol...So after eating a few of the cookies started getting cold so it was time to go home...The night overall was good. It was time I needed just to get into a different space and atmosphere...I'm glad I went and will definitely be going back very soon.

I've never been one to wallow in my tears and emotions so now that I've got this out, I can start attacking some of this stuff and make a few immediate changes...Law School (giving it another shot, gotta get my life back on some sort of structure)...Music (always in my heart, thats my ultimate dream)...Working towards my dream while opperating in my reality...Gotta make move people. My sanity depends on it...

Thursday, January 7, 2010

2010 EPIPHANY!! Let's Get It!

So this won't be long...I don't think. Anyway! New Years was coo. Got to see the man who has my heart and it was fun. Got my first ever new years kiss standing outside club PHX waiting over an hour and a half to get in...i'm not even gonna harp on that...but uh, overall it was a coo night. Here's a couple pics from inside the club ONCE WE FINALLY GOT IN!!

Yeah I was dressed in all black...very incognito. Lol.

So I stayed 3days and 3nights..good stuff. It was nice to get away from boring Temecula for a while and be with someone (other than my fam) that I really care about. Once I got back I was worried that things would once again go right back to the way there where but so far its not as bad as it usually is.

I've learned to just let it be and focus on me and my future. So I've decided that I'm definitely going to give law school another shot and try to get into this law school in diego for the fall of this year. While I do that I'm going to look into teaching. What grade, I'm not too sure yet. Any suggestions???

Then while I'm doing that I am going to do whatever I can as far as music is concerned. Writing more, getting some studio time in, singing hooks for random rappers, and possibly start a music myspace page just to get a fan base established. Music is what I would love to do for life but as my dad says..."Music doesn't get you health care, and benefits"... So while that may be my ultimate dream, my reality will have to be law school. Gotta think of my future here people...and time is getting away!!

I'll be 23 in March and though I have my B.A. already, I need a real job cus bartending is NOTgonna get me a house or stable living!! Plus Sallie Mae is on my BACK!! LoL...they are sooooo ready to get their money back. But is hard but I can handle it. Gotta get my "do whatever it takes" and "never give up till I win" mentality back in action. I'm ready...2010...lets go. Get on or GET OFF!!