Until You Get Here...

The anticipation that is building is becoming overwhelming.
My mind is consumed with the thought of you being here.
The warm embrace I want to give you, the sensual kiss I'm going to plant on you.

Never thought I'd feel this way...
Its safe to say I'm simply falling.
For a love that makes me smile, a love that makes the days worries seem mundane.

So until you get here I'll keep on dreaming.
Until you get here I'll keep on praying.
Until you get here I'll continue to imagine how good it'll feel to finally hold you in my arms.

Until you get here I'll think of what your caress will feel like.
I'll think of how good your skin on top of my skin will be.
I'll imagine how great our first kiss will be.
What our first words to each other might sound like, will you be as nervous as me?

I'm trying to pretend that you're here with me now...
But honestly I know the real deal will be so much more worth while.
I'm ready when you are...
I've played it over and over in my head.
The tension is high and I'm more than ready to give this love thing another try.

Never thought I'd say this but..
I have a feeling you're going to be my most important "Hi..."

Unstable Affair...

As I write this I just let my fingers go...
Let my mind do the talking because for once I'm not sure what to say
I can't seem to figure out this one thing that's on my mind
Can't seem to find the energy to sort out the mess that is has become
Not sure if I even want to try at this point

There are times we just have to stop...
I have lost myself in a situation of ever-changing spaces
A ever swinging pendulum of emotions
I can't lose my balance in this unstable affair
So I hold on to myself because I know I'll never leave me

I can be sure that I'll never hurt me
Well at least purposefully...
There are times we are just as much to blame
Letting someone in that we knew would be no good
Throwing caution of vulnerability to the wind

We don't realize our hands are just as bloody
The pain just as much ours as theirs...
So I apologize to my heart, to my feelings, to my emotions
I wore you on my sleeve and forgot to protect you
Let this naive notion of happily ever after fool me

I was duped into believing that my skeptical brain was insane
But I see that I've only hurt me by not protecting me...
So where to go from here?
No where
For now, just be.

The Things We Do For Friends!! Ughh..

Ok...so this weekend I went to Palm Springs with for my best friend's birthday. It was suppose to be a weekend full of drinks, laughter, dancing, food, and good conversation with a good mix of people. Come to find out...(the day before)...a few people dropped out last minute and there was still an undecided person possibly coming. Little did I know, there were 3 confirmed couples going. So you know what that meant!? I would be the 7th wheel!!

I was hesitant to go still but my bestie assured me it was not going to be a couple's fest and that there would be at least one other single person going. So being the great friend that I strive to have, I went! And it was just my luck that the other person backed out the DAY OF!!! So I was stuck being the 7th wheel on what felt like a couples retreat!!

This is what that looks like for all you who can't seem to understand the seriousness of my frustration at the situation-->> As you can see everyone is coupled up! Lol smh...

I felt so uncomfortable and was ready to leave the moment we got there, but I stayed because I love my bestie and I knew she wanted me there to celebrate with her. Plus I know that if the shoe was on the other foot she would do the same for me.

So the first night was chill, just ate, and when back to the house. But the second night we went out to Morongo and it was a bust Lol...but the DJ was FIRE!! he was playing all the jams but there was NO CUTIES and I'm VERY picky so I did a lot of dancing with myself and a couple people but I was in my own world so I didn't care. But this is what I was looking like that night.

I had the natural look going...it's too hot to straighten my hair at the moment so I had to rock the curls. Lol but the weekend didn't get better as my Lakers lost tonight as well. Safe to say I'm glad to be back home and in an actual BED! Instead of the couch that I was on the whole weekend while all the other couples were in ROOMS!!! SMH...but uh. Its coo...and over now so I'm ok. But thank God for giving my bestie another year of life. We are truly blessed...

Risk-Free Love?!?

I wish there was such a thing as "risk-free love" but lets be honest, love is so complex that it requires an "all in" approach. I've had my share of heartaches and breaks but to be honest I'm not looking to be hurt again. I wish there was a way to remove all uncertainty and the drama that comes with opening up your heart to someone.

I seem to always be in a position where red flags are thrown up in my face and I either ignore them or make excuses for them. I wish there was a way I could be certain that the direction I'm going in is the right one and that I'm not setting myself up for more unnecessary drama and heartache. Lately I've been scared of love, not sure if I can trust it again.

I see signs that tell me loves an open road, but there are flags that keep popping up warning me that things may not be as they seem. I'm scared. Not sure if I should keep trusting, keep hoping, keep believing that what I'm being told isn't all smoke and mirrors.

My level of trust in people is at its lowest. I'm trying to be open to new situations and possible love interest but my mind is so critical, my heart is super skeptical and I can't seem to avoid running into moments of happiness followed by dry spells of bitterness and irritation.

 I just want to be happy.

 I just want to be treated the way I treat others.

I just want to love with no limits.

I just want to be able to trust again.

I want risk-free love.

Love that is real. Love that is unconditional. Love that is understanding.

Is that really so much to ask?!

My Trip to DC!!

Hellooooooo.....its been a while, but I'm sick with a killer fever so I've got time to blow and a few things on my mind but we'll start with my recent trip to DC about two weeks ago. I went with my bestie Kristine aka: Chicken to see a couple of our friends that we went to USD with (Danielle and KuKu). We had an amazing time and did so much in such little time but I'll post a few pics...

That's Kristine and I on board Virgin Airlines. Great airline to fly with!! We had hella snacks and our own tv's on the chairs and plenty of space. Definitely look into flying with them one day, the vibe was real chill and modern as you can see by the dim lighting and colorful roof.

The first night we didn't hesitate to get a taste of the DC night life. The first place we went to was a complete bust but the second place was CRACKIN!! Lol

From left to right: (Forgot her name), Kuku, Kristine, Me, Danielle.

We had a good time there but it was all kinds of HOT!! My hair was DONE by the end of the night Lol...

The next day we had a cookout and Mmmmmm...it was DELICIOUS!!! Made specially by Danielle's Jamacian Lover!! LOL hahahaha ;-)

It was so pretty out there and I had everybody drunk off my "Silent Creeper" drink lol

That night we hit up a graduation house party then a club that was SUPER HYPED but EXTRA SMALL!!!

This is what I wore that night...front to back ;-) Lol

Freakin' Kuku never looks the right way!! Lol Gotta love her though.

Yeah all of our eyes were low by this point...lol...too much fun.

After the night finally ended and I hit the bed around 5:30AM!! Lol we spent the day in GeorgeTown and at this outside bar on the bay.

There are so many more pics but these are just a few I thought I'd share. I'll definitely have to visit DC again soon becuase I lowkey miss it already. Great company, food, and drink. Nothing better. Great weekend!!