Saturday, July 31, 2010


So I know its been a while...I have definitely miss you. Dear Blog...I'm back.

Anywho...I've been doing a lot of writing in my journal but not much on here so I guess I'll get on a topic that has been HEAVY on my mind and heart....TRUST!!

It is one of the most difficult things I deal with on a daily. To me, trust is like giving someone a loaded 9mm gun, pointing it at your heart and hoping.. "trusting" ..they won't pull the trigger. Get it?

Trust is an issue that I have dealt with for about 10years now...from broken friendship, family hurts, and devastating romantic relationships, my heart and mind have been made into the biggest skeptic over this issue.

The definition of trust goes something like this-->

1. reliance on the integrity, strength, ability, surety, etc., of a person or thing; confidence.

2. confident expectation of something; hope.

3. confidence in the certainty of future payment for property or goods received; credit: to sell merchandise on trust.

4. a person on whom or thing on which one relies: God is my trust.

5. the condition of one to whom something has been entrusted.

6. the obligation or responsibility imposed on a person in whom confidence or authority is placed: a position of trust.

7. charge, custody, or care: to leave valuables in someones trust.

8. something committed or entrusted to one's care for use or safekeeping, as an office, duty, or the like; responsibility; charge. there such a thing as blind trust? I think trust is blind....the only time trust is visible or "revealed" is when it has been broken, sucks right? The only time we truly know whether or not we can trust someone is once that trust has been compromised in some way.
I know we are to suspect the good in a person before the bad...BUT...honestly its a lot easier said than done. I don't have many friends because I only let people get so far---Arms Length---that way they can't hurt me. Its weird because I've a very outgoing sociable person but when it comes time for the one on one...I only open up so much. Just enough...if you really want to get to know MUST have patience because I am simply complex. Yeah I know...
Trust is something I think I will always struggle with...I'm just not comfortable being vulnerable. I could go on forever about this topic but I won't...If only there was a way to be certain. Now that's a super power I'd love to have...THE POWER OF CERTAINTY!!!