Tuesday, February 23, 2010

Come watch me, watch you watch me! Lol ;-)

Thursday, February 11, 2010

Dear God: It's OVER!! make a long story short. I'M SINGLE!! Yep, its over, and I'm done. There comes a time where you just have to let God move and do what he wants. I tried to hold on to a relationship that wasn't good for me spiritually or emotionally. No matter how much I loved him, it didn't matter because he could never understand it or know how/was willing to reciprocate it. To me, he doesn't really know what true love is... Understanding that unconditional love is learned through a true relationship with God. Because when you love someone you don't give up on them...

My heart still misses him, but my brain is tired, extremely hurt and moving on. Though a part of me feels like I just wasted 2 1/2 years of my life, it was a learning experience for me too. I had to learn that no matter how good a person may look on the outside, if their insides are filled with self-righteousness, arrogance, and pride, its going to be difficult to make any progress, emotionally, with them because you will always be analyzed and blamed for everything that goes wrong in the relationship. In short...(because I refuse to let this take up much more of my life and emotions)...I'm Done.

So this is my letter to God:

     Dear Alpha & Omega,
               Over the past 7 years, I've had 3 major heartbreaks. But this last one really did a number on me. He is ever present in my thoughts and often times the first thing on my mind. (Sorry)...I'm guessing this is why you've chose to take him away. I understand you are a jealous God and want to be first at all times. I failed to realize that then but am fully aware now. As I rededicate my life to you, there are just a few requests I'd like to make regarding the next man you send my way:

1. Let him be sold-out for you and have a true love and relationship with you
2. Make him understanding
3. Let him be taller than me... (in heels too) lol
4. Allow him to love his family unconditionally
5. Give him patience and empathy for others
6. Let him be a praying man
7. You know I love personality and charm so give him some of that too
8. If he truly loves you, I know he'll be faithful to me
9. Give him a strong work ethic and ambition
10. Allow him to lead me and for me to follow
11. Let him like PDA! lol
12. Give him passion and romance
13. If its not too much to ask, can he be fairly easy on the eyes? Can he be sexy? That's ok right?
14. Looks aren't everything but I do like a fit and in-shape man
15. Give him the ability to have great, intellectual conversation
16. Money isn't everything but can you make sure he is a good steward with what you bless him with
17. Let his partying and game playing days be non-existent
18. The past is the past but I'd rather not have a man that's ran through lots of females
19. I love kids so he has to too
20. I can't really think of much else but above all else: MAKE HIM MORE LIKE YOU!!!

This is my prayer and open letter to you, please mend the broken pieces of my heart back together again and make it like new. I no longer want to love him so please take this feeling away too. Take away the dreams, and take away the emptiness he created. I know it's going to take time but you control it so please push time rapidly forward. I don't want to feel this pain; I simply don't have time for it. Gone through this too many times and I'm personally beyond through with it. I can't take anymore heartache my emotions are stressed and tired. So give me your peace and healing power, because I need it more than ever at this hour. I'll thank you in advance and leave all of this baggage here. I know you'll come through; I've got my complete faith and trust in you.

Yours Forever,
         Tiffanie AnnMarie Cross

Monday, February 1, 2010

Love Don't Love Me...

Ok so I haven't talked to "Him" since friday night, he was suppose to call me back but never did and I haven't heard from his since (IT IS NOW MONDAY NIGHT) Ummm WTF?! We got into an arguement about what I'll maybe explain later but its stupid and I'm tired of dealing with this crap. My trust level with him is at an all time low and I've been praying and asking God to just give me peace and direction with the situation. I'm not going to do this childish "I'm mad so I don't wanna talk to you" nonsense much longer. I did NOTHING wrong so why am I the one being treated like crap?! I don't get it...

I'm not going to call him because I'm tired of being the one who is always the first one to reach out and fix things. If he doesn't want to be with me then is what it is. Life goes on, but I gotta keep it real. It would really suck. I've been keeping myself busy and happy though because happiness is a CHOICE!! Remember that...

"People come and people go, but my JOY remains with me always"

That's been keeping me at peace, that, prayer and these comics!! Lol They are too funny. With my emotions raging and being upset with the confusion that is my relationship having music and laugher keeps me going.

These two caught my eye and had me laughing on the outside but a bit bitter on the inside because I can relate to them so much right now...As usual I put the relationship in God's hands so this time whatever happens I'm going through with the results whole heartedly...whatever that means right?! Ugghhh...